The Espenblog

"You never know what may come forth from this simple-minded man!"

The Espenblog Hit by Murphy: Pop’s has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Written By: George Espenlaub - Sep• 20•16

ImageBefore I begin please take a good look at me. I’m cool, calm, and collected as I sit here writing this report pertaining to the horrific event that struck “The Espenblog,” the latter part of last week. The fact is that I’m the only one that’s capable of writing this article seeing that the rest of the gang is locked away in their padded cells until further notice.

Pops had just finished posting his last article about his big, fat nose when out of nowhere disaster struck. The server that we’ve been using for years out in the Midwest began to act difficult. For some strange reason we couldn’t get to the platform that we launched our articles from. None of us, especially Pops, got overly excited about the problem knowing that a quick phone call would resolve the problem in no time. Little be known to any of us that we were about to have the fight of our lives with that character named Murphy. The victory would be ours, but the price paid would result in most of the staff being locked down, locked up, and locked in padded rooms, including our leader.

You must remember that Pops just had a go around with Mom Mom that ended with her hitting Pops with a left hook that caused severe swelling about his head and shoulders, especially his nose. If that wasn’t bad enough, Pops was starting to write his article about his fat nose when he was totally distracted by two crazy mice. With swollen nose and all Pops endeavored to do battle with the mice….more on that later. On top of all this our server was visited by Murphy and the battle was on.Man with Clamp on Head

From late Thursday night until last night (Monday), Pops and others were constantly on the phoneFunny Farm News Reporter trying to get our problem straightened out. I watched as time passed by with no change. Phone call after phone call brought no relief to the situation. First Pops would be talking, then Charlie would give it a stab, and finally the peanut breath, big eared, arrogant, agitating Harvey with his chest stuck out took his turn. Did I mention I just stood by and watched? You won’t believe this, but even Cindy our Chief Psychiatrist got in the action.

Hours turned into a day, a day became 2, and by the time the smoke cleared, the dust settled, and the casualty’s drug away, 4 days had elapsed. During all this time tempers flared, people walked and gestured with their hands while they talked on the phone, eyes became bloodshot; too much caffeine was taking its toll coupled along with sleep deprivation that made for words to be slurred and sometimes someone would end up slobbering. I couldn’t help it, but I found myself holding my stomach from laughing so hard. At 9:00 pm, after 4 days of getting nowhere, I took charge!

I picked up the phone; spoke to the technician, and in fifteen minutes the problem went away. I thanked the man for his help, and hung up. What I saw when I turned around sent me into stitches. Pops had fallen off his chair onto the floor staring up at the ceiling mumbling incoherently. Charlie was running around a pole trying to catch his tail, and Funny Farm InmateHarvey was standing in the corner saying he wanted his mother. As for Cindy, she was just dancing around talking to herself and burping.

I simply called for the Funny Farm security team and had everyone taken away. It was an event I’ll never forget as long as I live. The staff has been medicated and resting comfortably in their own padded rooms tonight. Hope Pops can recover quickly so he can tell us the story behind his big, fat, swollen nose.

Thanks for coming by and don’t forget to hit the like button, share this with all your family and friends, and please don’t be afraid to leave a comment. So until next time this is Ms Ernestine saying good night to all our friends everywhere. Are you as crazy as the rest of us here on the Funny Farm?

The Story behind Pop Pop’s Nose

Written By: George Espenlaub - Sep• 20•16

pops-big-nose-small It’s a beautiful day here at the “Funny Farm” located in a place called “Our World.” Although we live here, not one person knows the correct location of this place. More on that later or perhaps I should move on and forget about what I’m trying to say.

Anyhow, I’m being distracted by some nit witty mouse that’s walking the ledge just outside my window, along with another one that keeps peeking at me out of his mouse hole just to the right of my desk. I’m becoming discombobulated by the distraction which is going to cause me to disconnect. I’m so discontented that I will discontinue writing due to the fact I find myself discouraged, and to sum it all up, “These mice are despicable.”   I will therefore leave my desk, get some coffee, and eat raisins while I envision bringing mouse-walking-on-ledgedestruction to these two varmints. I’ll be back as soon as I get a grip on myself!

Since “The Espenblog” operates out of the “Funny Farm,” I thought it only appropriate to call on the services of the “Funny Farm Varmint Removing Company” that has the personnel, and the methods to dispose of these two mice that are swinging on my last one – half nerve. I’ll have Harvey or Ms Ernestine report on the situation as it develops.mouse-hole

Due to circumstances that I probably could control if I had taken my nut hut medication today; seems obvious to everyone by now that I missed my meds. I know what you’re thinking as you read this……Pops is genuinely out of his mind. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you since I sat down here. With all the strange events that have taken place over the past two weeks I’m finding it difficult to stay focused on what I’m doing.

I have to keep going back to the top of the page so I can be reminded of what I’m writing about, but by the time I get back down here, I’ve forgotten what it was.  Do I have you thoroughly confused? If so, I’m accomplishing what I’ve set out to accomplish: To make you all as crazy as the rest of us here at “The Espenblog.” I will come back and tell you, “The Story behind Pop’s Nose,” perhaps tonight or tomorrow.

In the mean time on a more serious note, I’m delighted to inform you that’ “The George Espenlaub Show,” will be returning live from the “Funny Farm” in October. Pass the word to friends and family that we are coming back with our live radio show that will be even better than before. We’re all excited to be coming back!

Pops Lady Friend at FarmOk, gotta go for now, Cindy, our Chief Physiatrist is here with my meds!


The Espenblog Returns

Written By: George Espenlaub - Aug• 29•16

After being absent for several years I’m happy to announce the return of “The Espenblog”. The entire staff is back up and running again with all the previous writers in place who are chomping at the bit to get started.

The famous Ms Ernestine whom the world loves and adores is sitting by my side displaying such exuberance I’m finding it hard to concentrate. For those of you that have followed Ms Ernestine through the years I’m sure you’ll find her writing to be just as vivid, wild, and opinionated as before. For the first time readers, you’re about to be taken to places you’ve never been, so buckle your seat belt, get a grip as Ms Ernestine takes you into a place called, “Our World”,  where fantasy and reality are intertwined and no one here can tell the difference.

ImageThe arrogant, self centered, rude, agitating, trouble-making Harvey is here. If anything, Harvey is worse than ever before. His ongoing feud with the entire staff and the inmates at the Funny Farm leads to some hair raising adventures that from Harvey’s perspective is no fault of his own. His reader’s either love him or hate him; there’s no in between.

Of course there’s Charlie and myself, (Pops, the ringleader) of this gang. Charlie’s my sidekick that continuously stays in trouble not to mention that when he causes mischief I’m usually sucked right into the middle of it all. When the radio show starts up again Charlie will be back running the soundboard just as before.

Pops Two HeadedIn closing, I’m delighted to be back after a long hiatus. Perhaps in future articles I’ll share where I’ve been and what went on while I was absent. I trust that all our old readers will return, new readers will join us, and “The Espenblog” will be more successful, more delightful, and more entertaining than before. Remember, our goal is to make you as crazy as the rest of us here in “Our World”. Looking forward to hearing from you all so thanks for dropping by!


A Tuesday Afternoon Update From the George Espenlaub Show

Written By: George Espenlaub - Apr• 02•13

Pops Friend Drinking CoffeeI hope the following video will shed some light on what’s been taking place here at The George Espenlaub Show. It is our intention to produce a quality radio show each and every time we go on the air. We want to present our listeners with guests that will not only entertain but will challenge everyone to think. As soon as this medical crisis passes with my grandson we will continue having our guests. The video will explain what’s coming this week. Thank you for your continued support.

Don’t Be Swayed by the Noise

Written By: George Espenlaub - Oct• 14•12

On November 6, 2012, the registered voters of this land will be asked to make a decision. A decision that will undoubtedly result in grave consequences should we make the wrong choice. This election is the single most important event of my lifetime. We the people must choose members of Congress, both in the House and Senate, as well as a President for this United States of America. This country stands at the crossroads of history as every nation on the planet watches in anticipation.

There is so much noise reverberating throughout the land as we make our way down the home stretch that leads to Election Day. Anger, bitterness, and downright nastiness seem to be the order of the day. Those emotions coupled with pure hatred are beginning to erupt into the streets like a volcano that has stirred its self awake after being dormant for years. Unless the people of this land begin to understand that before we are anything else, we are first, above all, Americans.

So many have been waylaid by the rhetoric instead of being swayed by the facts; the nation is divided due to the confusion which is caused by the excessive noise. In the remaining days before the election each and every voter must shutout the noise which will allow one to consider only the facts. Separation of needless rhetoric must be pushed from our minds along with bias thoughts that can only cause one to be blind to the facts.

This is your vote where you have the opportunity to make your choice based upon the facts as you see them. It’s your conscience that will guide you as you pull the lever or push the button inside the voting booth. We are individuals that make up this United States of America, individuals that will not be intimidated by the mob mentality from one side or the other. You and I must stand with a clear head that will enable this republic to remain great, lead the world, and be that light on a hill to those that are bruised and battered looking for the land of opportunity.

I heard a portion of a speech that John Fitzgerald Kennedy delivered to the Economic Club of New York on December 14, 1962. Please take the time to listen as President Kennedy states the facts that will lead the nation to prosperity. Get yourself quiet; listen attentively so you as an individual can compare the facts of yesteryear as compared to the rhetoric of today. What President Kennedy was talking about is only one issue that faces us today. However, if you search for facts and facts alone, you the individual, will make a choice on November 6 that is your choice and your choice alone.

I know it’s not Friday but I can express myself better this way. Leave some comments, etc. Don’t forget the radio show every Mon.-Fri. at 6:30 p.m. EDT., live from the Funny Farm. You can listen to it right here on this site by clicking on the radio player over their on the right.

Ms. Ernestine Reports

Written By: George Espenlaub - Sep• 20•12

I’m here at Georges’ Gorilla’s Stadium waiting for head coach Whitey to explain what happened this past week when Randy’s Ravens slapped around, shook up, and smacked down one of the premier teams in the league. The Gorillas seemed to have lost their wind after last Thursday night’s game where they used three players and only scored 20 points. To make a long, sad story short, the Ravens sent the big, bad, ferocious gorillas, along with their GM Harvey, to the famous woodshed for a good old fashioned beating. The final score was Ravens 125 – Gorillas 87. The Gorillas were embarrassed in front of their home crowd which makes the victory even sweeter for the Ravens. Now Randy’s Ravens are one of two teams that remain undefeated.

In a major upset, Nan’s Nimrods, owned by Gertrude Doflicky, punched out Mike’s Nutinfutjobies 127 to 114. The players that are drafted by Gertrude Doflicky find themselves constantly under the gun if you know what I mean. She is one owner that doesn’t take losing very well. Any one woman that owns and operates the biggest hog farm in Our World; carries a loaded shotgun around, causes players that don’t perform well to disappear, wears a bathrobe and slippers with her hair up in curlers is an intimidating force that strikes fear in most people’s heart. She looks at me, Ms. Ernestine, like she wants to put me on a stick and slowly cook me over a fire. Gertrude Doflicky is the only person in Our World that causes me to tremble.

In other league action, the two sisters, Liza May Swampbush and Thelma Louise Studabeggar squared off in a smash mouth game that left the Little Rascals running for the hills. The Rascals, owned by Liza May, are one of the craziest teams in the entire league. This bunch, including their owner, refuses to be medicated. For that reason the team is confined to quarters during the week because they are a menace to our society. When game day comes they are turned loose on the football field where they cause confusion and havoc. Studabeggar sent the Rascals to the woodshed by winning 124 to 97. They are now locked away in their respected quarters licking their wounds while Liza May stomps around with her panties in a wad looking for revenge. If you are approached by this loon call the Funny Farm Police at once. If you don’t get an answer, rotate your phone 180 degrees and try again.

Cheryl’s Nutcrackers along with Derb and Mandy’s Weiners were both handily defeated which sent them to the woodshed. The wieners were smashed by the Grumolinators 167 – 101. The Nutcrackers were cracked by Kim’s Kritters 145 – 104 which enabled the Kritters to remain undefeated.

Another fierce rivalry ended in a tie between Jefferys’ Lions and Jeff’s Redskins. A tie game is rare in this league but nonetheless we had one between these two. A 139 – 139 tie could definitely be a factor in determining which team will get into the playoffs. We’ll have to wait and see but neither owner is happy with the end results. Suck it up buttercups and get over it!

With week two completed there is now more bitterness than sweetness, more animosity than civility, more hate than love, more frustration, agitation, and aggravation than peace, and more smack talk than ever before. Nasty text messages are being sent flying through cyberspace, unrepeatable phone calls are being exchanged, in person greetings have been replaced with not so nice gestures, and if looks could kill most if not all participates in this league would be dead. Other than that, all things are lovely here in Our World. How’s it going in yours?

What’s your fantasy football league like? Take the time to participate in our poll and share with us what goes on in your league.

Thank You My Friends…the show must go on

Written By: George Espenlaub - Sep• 19•12

03 You’ll Never Walk AloneThe sun doesn’t always shine, nor do the birds constantly sing; however, true friends stand by one’s side regardless of the outward circumstances. When the storms of life are raging, the valley is dark, and there seems to be no end in sight, true friends will walk with you. As the knees buckle because the heart is broken, true friends will lift you up and if need be carry you on.

Our radio show hasn’t aired for two nights due to the fact that we received some bad news Monday afternoon pertaining to the recent PET scan that my wife had. After her chemo and radiation treatments were over we had anticipated a clear scan but unfortunately the scan detected a spot that had grown somewhat larger that was seen before. Now we go back for some more tests and another biopsy which will show us where we stand.

Nancy (Mom Mom as she is known on the show and in our blog) is not bedridden. She feels fine and has been recuperating from her treatments which were somewhat harsh on her. It’s the mental blow that’s the hardest to take. Cancer patients will be quick to tell you that this disease takes both the patient and the loved ones on an emotional roller coaster ride that words cannot describe.

We were set back on our heels by the report but after two days of digesting the news we have once again straightened our shoulders and have vowed to continue on. Nancy and I want all of our dear friends to know that your love, concern, and prayers are what give us the courage to continue on. Some of you we have never met personally yet there is a kindred spirit that binds us together.

Each and every one of you has faced or is facing your own difficulties but yet you have rallied along side of us, encompassed us with your love, and held us up with your prayers. For this my friends we are eternally grateful. Let it be known that should you ever need a helping hand please allow us to become part of you as you have become part of us.

Tonight The George Espenlaub Show returns at its usual time, 6:30 p.m. EDT live from the Funny Farm. I’ll post any other information on the site as it comes in. In the meantime tell a friend to tune in this evening and come on into the chat room. Hey, I know it’s not Friday but so what; meds, coffee, and casual. It doesn’t get any better than this.

On the Run Update

Written By: George Espenlaub - Sep• 04•12

Just passing through with an update of what’s about to happen on the show and elsewhere. I’m still trying to catch up with myself but I don’t even see me in the rear view mirror. Oh well, I’ll keep going and eventually I’ll get caught up.

I’ll announce some more about the new radio station that The Espenblog is starting on the show tonight. We have to run a few more test, gather some more broadcasters, tweak it somewhat, and then then blast off. Don’t worry, we’re not leaving Spreaker, we’re just expanding.

Joanne Herring; Admired by Millions Around the World Will be on The Show Tonight

Written By: George Espenlaub - Aug• 28•12

She waltzed with princes, persuaded kings, walked with the Queen of England, influenced presidents, served as floating Ambassador to Pakistan and Morocco, traveled with Afghan fighters, and by no means is that all Joanne Herring has done.

I can picture what’s going to happen to many listeners this evening as they tune into The George Espenlaub Show at 6:30 p.m. EDT. Folks will be approaching their computers at the designated time to hear our guest, Joanne King Herring. Others will be reaching for their phones with the Spreaker Application installed; there will be many that fires up their IPads, or some other tablet device. The crowd will be sitting in various positions in many different places.

Some will have their feet propped up while drinking a favorite beverage. Others could be possibly eating dinner while listening to the show; maybe driving in their vehicle with the listening device hooked to the radio so as to hear it through the speakers. Many more could be walking, running, or working but the common denominator that brings all these folks from far and wide is the fact that Joanne King Herring is on The George Espenlaub Show live. It won’t be long into the show that people will be leaning in closer so as not to miss a word spoken by our guest.

Here is a document written by Joanne and emailed to me yesterday, August 27, 2012:

Let’s go to the Middle East and whip them into shape…

America needs desperately to understand with whom they are dealing. How they think, how they live, and why things happen as they do. For instance when I first went to the Middle East in the 70s and well into the 80s the Sunnis and the Shiites lived peacefully together like Baptists and Catholics. They attended each other’s parties and had a mutual respect for one another. The terrorists have managed to create a war among brothers so that they could blame the problems they exacerbate on religion. In reality, these so called religious leaders are no different from Hitler and Stalin.  They are interested in power and money.  This whole religious Mahdi thing has been cleverly manipulated into a crusade.  Before the Muslim brotherhood Hezbollah, Hamas, Haqqani, plus Al Qaeda and the Taliban (which are off shoots of the others) united to destroy the Middle East to rebuild it under their control, there was little problem among the countries.  These organizations have been working for 50 years for this “Arab spring” which is in reality a very long winter for the world.  Iran and Iraq were the exception.  The two did manage to resolve their problems, no matter how badly, without major U.S. Intervention.

We cannot promise democracy to the world.  WE cannot afford it and the blood of our children is too precious. The whole problem starts with poverty.  People cannot live on $1 per day that is why my Marshall Plan is so important.

  1. People must have food, for example MPC is planting soybeans in all 34 provinces of Afghanistan without security.  The villagers protect us.
  2. People must have clean water, for example I a northern province they had the highest death rate for children in the world.  We cleaned the water and they now have a lower children’s death rate than Los Angeles
  3. Food and water provided, they need the schools –men cannot read road maps or manuals, thus it is hard to form an army or get jobs
  4. Minimum healthcare is needed – polio cubes, shots, midwives
  5. Without jobs they cannot sustain the schools or even begin to build the desire for democracy. They scream for democracy yearning for a better life.  They have no idea how to begin to sustain it leaving them vulnerable to fanatics

America simply does not understand that 110 years ago, people in this country signed contracts with an ‘X’.  It takes time to evolve. That is the problem in these highly populated extremely poor countries making them easy targets to manipulate into war. Incidentally our Marshall Plan is flourishing: a Congressional Committee and General Allen will be visiting our village.

The good news for America and business is that business is flourishing in the Emirates, Dubai and Saudi.  This is a perfect time to set up relationships for investment in countries like Afghanistan with its new discoveries of essential minerals and partnerships in the United States. This trip could be extremely financially interesting. The groups who will be our hosts are not just the Royal Families but the richest most successful businessmen in these countries. They are extremely interested in the investing in our country for all the reasons we discussed.  They have the means and they have the cash.  They realize they must diversify around the world to survive.

I have a delightful story about how the Queen of Saudi Arabia managed to get schools started in her country.  The people were totally against them.  I would love to share it with you because again it points how America must learn to accept people, their traditions and beliefs before we can ever resolve problems large or small

In 1973, when I went to Saudi for the first time, it was mud streets and mud houses but today it is a soaring metropolis and there is no poverty.  There were the poorest people in the world; nomads existing in the desert.  Their poverty was such that they washed the newborns in camel urine. In my lifetime they have traveled the road to huge prosperity.  Thanks to oil and good management they are now the most prosperous people in the world yet many of their cultural differences are still close to the surface and hinder our understanding of one another.  I was born in 1929 and the Arab peninsula was a hell hole.  80 years is not enough to change people to American ways. No amount of years may ever be. Just think how long it has taken me to grasp even the smallest details of modern technology.  We must learn to accept them and deal with them on their terms then we can exist together and share our prosperity.

Please don’t miss the show this evening when Ms. Joanne Herring sits in the guest chair and shares with us what she has accomplished, what she is doing now, and what her goals are for the future. Tune in at 6:30 p.m. EDT., for The George Espenlaub Show live from the Funny Farm in a place called our world.

Share this with everyone, like us, tweet about it to all people, stumble upon it, and tumblr over it. Do whatever you can to spread the word far and wide that Ms. Joanne King Herring will be on the show this evening at 6:30 p.m. EDT.

An Exciting Announcement

Written By: Charley - Aug• 21•12

There’s something going on around here although I’m the only one that senses it. I have no idea what it may be, except to say that most of the inmates are looking at me as if I’ve all of a sudden grown two heads. Pops, Ms. Ernestine, Harvey, and even Mom Mom seems to be acting funny around me. Kloe isn’t able to see or hear, so she hasn’t a clue of what’s going on. I’ll just sniff my way through until I discover what it is that has all hands on deck so nervous.

Hold on, phone ringing.

I’ll put the speaker

on so everyone can hear. Wow, can you imagine that. The guest that was supposed to be here last night will be on the show August 30, 2012. You can jump over to the radio show news area and read all about Mr. Bruce Van Natta.

I think I’ll go ahead and post some information about Ms. Joanne King Herring. Our listeners are in for a real treat when this lady appears on the show. Maybe after our readers see this post they will help us spread the word. I know Pops is going to make phone calls, write a press release, shout it from the roof top, face book it, tweet it, stumble upon, and tumblr over it. We’re going to call out the troops to spread the word that Joanne King Herring will be on The George Espenlaub Show next Tuesday evening at 6:30 p.m. EDT.

To begin with read the article in Forbes Magazine. I better not do any more until Pops gets back but I will add the picture of her book. Man, we’re so excited around here. The news is already spreading like wildfire. Gotta go!

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